Teaching toddlers to persist: what the research says

Frustration is an inevitable part of learning new skills for your toddler, whether they’re pouring water into a cup, putting together that tricky puzzle, or pulling up their own pants. Guiding your toddler through those challenging tasks now may help them persist and find their own solutions later.

In a classic study, University of Pittsburgh researchers analyzed how parents taught their 24-month-olds to complete a difficult activity. A year later, they observed the same children tackling several tasks on their own. Those who received gentle suggestions, positive feedback, and kind corrections at age 2 were more likely to embrace a challenge and persist at age 3. 

3 research-backed strategies to build persistence

1. Offer gentle guidance

If your toddler seems stuck or unsure of what to do, gently prompt them to continue or suggest a possible next step. For example, you could say, “How about trying a different piece?” or “Do you want to try turning the piece a little like this?” This encourages them to keep going and gives them new ways to think about the challenge. 

2. Give positive feedback

Commenting on what your toddler did to find success—“You turned that piece and got it in”—may help them remember and repeat the strategy next time. You can also reinforce the idea that hard work is something to celebrate: “Wow, you tried really hard!” This helps your toddler learn that persistence pays off and embrace the feeling of pride that comes with effort. They may even discover that challenges can be interesting and enjoyable.

3. Use a kind tone when correcting

If your toddler keeps trying something that doesn’t work, go ahead and tell them matter-of-factly: “Hmmm. That’s the wrong piece for that spot.” According to the University of Pittsburgh study, giving corrective feedback in a negative tone makes children less likely to persist on their own and more likely to feel shame. When parents use a neutral or positive tone, toddlers tend to approach challenges with “mastery motivation,” or a strong desire to figure things out on their own.

Learn more about the research

Kelley, S. A., Brownell, C. A., & Campbell, S. B. (2000). Mastery motivation and self‐evaluative affect in toddlers: Longitudinal relations with maternal behavior. Child Development, 71(4), 1061-1071.

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