Adopt this habit when talking with your toddler, experts say

Your toddler’s brain is like a mini-supercomputer—constantly learning new words, sorting information, and working to understand. With so much to process, they may need a little extra time to respond to your questions and conversational prompts. Experts suggest that pausing a few seconds can foster your toddler’s communication skills and encourage them to join the conversation ❤️ 

How conversational pauses support your toddler’s language development

While a brief wait may not seem significant, it can be a meaningful opportunity for your toddler.

1. Pauses encourage your toddler to speak up

Everyday interactions with your toddler help them learn how to participate in the natural back-and-forth of conversation. Researchers call these interactions a “serve and return” relationship. Think of how tennis players volley a ball across a net: One person “serves” a comment or gesture, and the other person “returns” it with a response.

Waiting a few extra seconds can encourage your toddler’s “return.” Expectant pauses in the conversation let them know when it’s time to respond and give them an opportunity to speak. 

 2. Being quiet shows you’re listening

Being quiet for a few extra seconds shows that you want to hear what your toddler has to say and you’re willing to wait for it. Your short, observant pause models the nonverbal parts of conversation, such as making eye contact, tuning into the speaker, and waiting for a turn to speak. 

3. Silence gives your child time to think

Patiently waiting for your toddler to return your serve gives them time to understand what you said and respond in their own way. Their response may not always involve words: They may gesture, make a silly noise, or use a facial expression. 

How to remember to pause with your toddler

In conversation with other adults, we often rush to fill in pauses to help others feel comfortable or avoid an awkward silence. But these pauses aren’t uncomfortable for your toddler—in fact, they’re positive signs of communication. When we “fill in” a pause or suggest what a toddler might say next, we inadvertently take the words out of their mouths. 

Here are some ways to remind yourself to pause and encourage your toddler to talk:

• Press your thumb to your fingers one by one. After you ask your toddler a question, try pausing for as long as it takes to press your thumb to your index finger, middle finger, ring finger, and pinky finger one by one.
• Wear a special “pause button.” This can be a piece of string or a strip of paper you wind around your finger, or an actual ring with a round stone that reminds you to press pause.
• Make eye contact, smile, and breathe in and out twice. Just remembering to take a few breaths in conversation can give your toddler space to return your serve.